friday. 4 . 3o . 1o

so i think i will be resorting to this from now on. dax works 3-10pm every day basically. ugh. i hate his schedule, but only because i'm selfish and i dont get to ever see him anymore. so its friday night. seven o'clock. and i'm at home. just finished up dinner with ashlee. we had jumbalia? however you spell that. and holly, camille, and adam went and got me a strawberry banana smoothie. our coupons expire today. so they used them and grabbed me one when they came home. lets see. i hit a deer the other day. YEAH sunday night i was headed home with dax. he came home with me for the weekend, because it was justin's homecoming and such. anyways. so we headed home around eight thirty. by the time i got to the canyon it was PITCH black. i turned a corner as dax put in a CD. and i saw lots of blood and BAM a freshly hit deer. i lined up my tires and went RIGHT over it. i heard it slam into my car. and i freaked out! pulled over and started bawling. i couldn't stop. i had dax check under my car to see if its head was under there. it wasn't. then he drove. and i cried. and i made him check again when we got to logan. and then we packed all my stuff up to my room. but he took me into the bathroom downstairs and i held my teddy bear butter and he cleaned off my face from all the smeared mascara. i have the most perfect boyfriend. then he said 'see. all better. now you wont have to tell anyone about it if you dont want to' we came back up into the room and i cried some more. it was awful. =( later ashlee told me dax was walking behind me telling them not to ask me about it. shaking his head like 'dont say anything' how sneaky he thinks he is. it doesn't matter. i love him so much for doing that. dax and i had quite a rough week this week. sunday i told him he should date others because he doesn't know what he wants. so maybe that will help him. WELL. i'm biting my tongue! i dont want him to date anyone else, i want him to feel what i feel. i know this is right. and it makes my heart go pitter patter even harder when i talk about it. he's everything i've ever wanted. and i know this is right, its hard to explain but i just KNOW! i want to spend forever with that boy. =) so anyways, this whole week we haven't been sleeping well. so today he texted me saying 'we need to talk' i was terrified. i couldn't stop shaking. i couldn't concentrate in math at all so i left. and i just felt like throwing up. well he came and picked me up at 12:40 ish and we went for a drive. we ended up at the temple. and we walked up and sat by the fountain and talked. and got everything out. it was very good! and very much needed. after i went to his place and made him a peanut butter and honey sandwich for work. and then he took me home around three. and headed to work. so i came home and slept a little. i need to study for my psychology final. badly. but i have no attention span. i miss dax. and i just want him to come home and cuddle with me. only like three more hours. i hope he comes over. he said 'i'll see' because we're going to the temple tomorrow. uhh. he's stayed til one in the morning and had class at seven thirty, so a late night has n ever stopped him before! so hopefully. yes we're headed to the logan temple tomorrow to do baptisms! i've never been in the logan temple. so i'm excited! we're going with adam who hasn't been to the temple for like eight years! so it'll be WAY cool! i'm stoked! =)

i love my boyfriend. and i love life. and everything that it comes with. even though it can be quite stressful sometimes, i love it.

love chirellie bellie jellie wellie.

wednesday. 4. 14. 11o.

oh my gosh. so i went home with dax over the weekend. and like i said. i was missing something, a brush! but luckly i had a comb in my purse. so that worked. blah. anywho. i love daxie's cute family. they are adorable. and i fit RIGHT in. the first five minutes his sister and sister in law were talking about spotting and periods and stuff. and it just made me giggle. because hello, me and jess! yeah i felt right at home! his family is so cute. i love them already! i was so happy there, that's what i want! i loved his big family, like all the siblings and all the little kids running around, making fun of daxie and i for holding hands. and stuff. thats what i want. i loved it. dax bit his tongue off, literally. it was gross. he wouldnt let me see. which is probably a good thing! because i would have thrown up. but what i saw, was not pretty. like a blueberry in his mouth. anyways. on our way home, i asked dax 'can't you see us, driving home from your parents house, and we have two kids in the back seat crying, and complaining and we're passing coloring books and pretzels back to them?!' he smiled and said yes. awh. one day. i love him so much! one day we'll have our own perfect little family. it will happen, just wait and see.

anywho. the weekend was perfect. sunday me and dax had a much needed conversation. it was basically 'do this. or end it now' to say the least. and we're in it. i hope he knows he's stuck now, i placed sticky mouse traps on his feet, and he's not going anywhere now. hahaha. anyways. it was a much needed conversation, i love him so so much! =)

tonight we went ice skating with the ward. so much fun. my feet kill. dax and cameron are doing econ homework right now. so i told him he owes me a food massage after! i best receive that! hahaha. he's cute. gosh. today was like soo long. i wore my contacts all day which i'm sure didn't help. my eyes suck with those! ha. like i can see, but they bother my eyes horribly. i can't wear eye makeup at all. and i rub my eyes constantly. its awful. but i had all four classes, plus my lab today. and in my lab there were only four of us, counting me! so it went only 20 ish minutes. and we ALL had to talk. i hate talking in big groups, it was not good. but it was okay. wednesdays seem so long to me, because i swear its my busiest day. hmm. work tomorrow, hopefully its okay. and not horrible. sam wont be there. so it should be much better than usual. oh my gosh. in psy today we learned about like standby's. and like people who just watch things happen. like this little girl, got raped, and escaped and was running down the freeway naked. and no one helped her. so the guy that raped her, came back, raped her and then killed her. and ALL these people saw it happen. its just awful! like people do that, and no one cares. i want to be that person that stands out. but little me probably can't do much. but i will do my best! the society needs to change in that aspect! anywayyyys. i'm off to lay down while the boys finish up homework. work early in z morning. i love youuuu all. night babies.

Friday. 4 . 9. 1o

so i'm going home with dax for the weekend. his nieces baptism is tomorrow. i'm so nervous. ahh. =) it'll be good. but like what if this is the last time i go home to 'meet the family' for the next person i marry! how weird is that! ahh. i'm freaking out. my stuff is packed, sitting behind me on the floor. and yet i think i forgot something, still. i'm sure i did! yet. i dont know what i forgot to pack. daxie's coming in a few minutes to get me! =) pray for me that this weekend will go smoothly. and i'll be able to be MYSELF! instead of my shy insecure self! oh buddy! i'll update more after this weekend. wish me good luck! oh yes. i took a math test today, i think i did better than i have been doing. and i also took an oss test today, i'm sure i did good on that one. and then i took a psychology test monday, guess what i got?! 88 PERCENT! that's like perfect! i scored like 25 out of 80 students that took it. how amazing am i?! seriously! i was so proud of myself!!

anywho. daxie will be here any second. bye loves.