o3.o3.11 thursday.

you know when you hit that point in your life and you think 'something has got to give'. well i've hit that point.

work is stressing me more than ever. sure, i put on a unstressed face and may complain how bad i hate it. but . . . no one understands. no one. >=( no one can take all that anger i feel on my hour drive to work and bottle it up and feel it. and feel how stressed i feel when i walk into that pharmacy and how overwhelmed i feel all day. and how annoyed i feel with everyone around. there are reasons i don't talk at work. because if i did i would not be a pleasant person. and i would easily snap. the headaches that i receive daily there, must be in the air. the medication does not take away the constant pounding of frustration and annoyance.

school is hard. i'm ooberly behind on my reading in my psychology class, marriage class, and financing class. i should do after school. but after five straight hours of school. its the last thing i want to come home and do again. and math, just gets harder and harder. i didn't spend $1,200 on TWO math classes to fail both. >=( i best pass. i can't fork out another $600.

i heard a song the other day that said something about 'every red light i stopped at i'm grateful for because it led me here to you' something along those lines. and i started thinking. hard about everything we do. every stop light we hit, delays our life a few seconds, but completely changes what's going to happen next. our lives change so quickly. i've lost so many people that meant so much to me in my life. they're gone now. moved on. now they fill the hearts of others. while i feel this emptiness for them in mine. this yearning to want such a friendship with them again. but its over. done with. i can't go back and change those things. its so hard to cope with all the trials God gives us. yet i know there are reasons for them. there has to be reasons for this feeling i have inside of me. this stressed, emptiness, overwhelmed, emotional feeling. it's like regretting those stop lights. trying to move so fast in life and hurry through those yellow lights, not wanting to see what there is waiting for you if you stop at a red light. not wanting to see how your life can change by a simple stop. . . my life has changed. in a variety of ways. its different now. nor better, nor worse. just different.

this doesn't make sense to anyone, i know. except me. i just needed to get it all out. my head feels like its going to blow up from thinking and feeling this too much.

goodnight.

never be too eager to get through the next stop light . . . it changes your life too fast. . .