o5.3o.13. thursday.

It's crazy to me when I see people married, divorced, & moved on two weeks later.
Onto new relationships.
Is your divorce even finalized?

Or married, divorced & already re-married?
I mean I understand everyone has their different
times of healing & no one moves on at the same time.
But how committed to your marriage were you really?
Especially if a few months later you're already re-married.
Seems a little suspicious to me.

I've been here for a year & a half,
& I'm no where close to being in a relationship
with anyone,any time soon.

Just need to remind myself that moving on
takes time & everyone has their own
moving on process.
I'm not judging because well,
I don't know their stories. I just know mine.

Dating life is . . . awkward. Sometimes.
Especially when you have to spill you've been married
on the second date, because he is all about
being open & honest & doesn't understand
why you aren't looking for a committed relationship right now.
Or better yet, they question you about something
your father said at a previous time.
a w k w a r d .

I enjoy going out & meeting people,
but when I feel that someone is definitely
looking for a wife, I back out real fast.

This girl is not ready/looking for that, Thanks.

Loves.

o5.2o.13. monday. (well, early tuesday morning)

I should be grateful that my life isn't like it once was.
That the path that my life has chosen to follow does not
involve me sitting at home being a stay-at-home wife,
accomplishing nothing new but doing the same routine,
"what would you like for dinner, honey?" &
"yes, I will wash all of the clothes today & clean the house."

This path that I am on has brought me many things,
including some amazing friends that I have created
awesome friendships with.
These friends I would have never found without
being divorced.

In some ways, I need to remind myself that
my divorce was a blessing in my life.
Because it doesn't always seem that way.

Sometimes I think it would have been easier
to just deal with how things were.
Just . .  s e t t l e , chirelle.
Stop making things hard on yourself.

Well, that "settle" word is no longer in my
relationship dictionary.

I will not settle.

Loves.

o5.o2.13. thursday.

I take my last final in a little more than a few hours. But not long after the sun rises in the morning. This moving out thing is such a bitter sweet deal. Moving back home, for the first time in . . . three years? It's giving me anxiety just thinking about it. I haven't moved home for the summer in a long time. & I don't mind being home, but on the other hand I do enjoy my own space. I don't feel like I have that at home. . .

Packed the room up & the apartment for that matter. Amanda&I cleaned everything & began packing tonight. Our cars are packed. There's nothing left in this room of mine except my bedding, backpack, & this duffel-bag of mine. It's weird. It's a feeling I don't like.

Last night my mom texted me & said "enjoy your last two nights in Logan before you move home!" I said "That gives me anxiety just thinking about that." I can't help it. & It's not that I'm sad I'm leaving school, I just think I would like to stay somewhere & have my own space, like here in Logan. The anxiety of moving back up here kills me too. Last summer I was dying at the thought of returning to Logan. The dreaded place where my past resides. I don't like that feeling. Over the past 8 months I've grown to love this place again & call it home. I don't want to leave & return. =/ My roommates have been amazing this year. Such a blessing. Just what I needed. I talk to Megan & Amanda about my problems often. Megan is more sympathetic & Amanda, more logical. I need both of that in my life though. Someone to sympathize with me a little on how I'm feeling & someone to tell me "get over it. it's done. move on." Best of both worlds, like miley cyrus. HA

Well. I suppose now that it's one AM. I should probably definitely look over my stuff for tomorrow's stats final. Although, I feel like my brain can not absorb much more information. Mmm.

Loves. Goodnight.