12.28.12. Friday.

I received rockin' grades this semester. Couldn't have done it without the willingness of Cameron, at work, to take my every other Friday shifts & the 'no man' in my life. Sheesh. What you can do when you truly have no life except school & work. What a great feeling it was.

I had three finals. Did well on all of them, but one of them super surprised me. I took it knowing if I even received a 90 on my final, my grade would only be a B+. & If i didn't take the final at all, my grade would be a B+. Well. I took it & received 96% on my final. Only missing two questions out of fifty. What an awesome feeling! & So worth the studying I did put into school this semester.

Been working a lot over the Christmas break. It's been good. Spent Christmas with my family, Michayla came in town. It was really great to have everyone here. She even brought her dog, ruby. Ha. She's suuper big but she's a good dog. Decided we would plan a girls night for Feb. & head down to St George to see Mick. That will be a great little get away.

It's been snowing a lot & my SUV has been wonderful in it. Four Wheel Drive SAVES my life. Seriously. I enjoy it. Although I'm sure when I live in Logan, I won't think my drive is as glamorous as it is now, only driving twenty minutes (no snow) compared to my hour drive with no snow.

Working this weekend, what a drag. & it makes for a long four day weekend. But after shattering my phone in the snow the day after Christmas, I suppose working is what I need to do. Yuck. What a gut wrenching feeling that was. Anyways. Working tomorrow, going to get to bed soon. Or go read in bed. Mmm. Yeah. Leave you with this picture, from Christmas.

Loves.

12.18.12 tuesday.

Love this quote.Watch your behavior, because that's what people will pay attention to, more than anything. Watch how you treat others. Because that could come back & bite you in the butt. Behavior is key to keep others around. They want to be around those with great personalities & those who show positive behaviors & positive interactions with others.

Loves Yous.

12.13.12. Thursday.

One Year ago this weekend (Finals weekend) I made a big decision. I moved out of my cute little townhouse and moved my things into a house in Perry. Placing some things in storage & setting out to find out what I needed for myself in life. I saved all my things. Our Table. Our Couches. Our Washer/Dryer. It's been sitting in storage. Until recently. I finally gained the courage to sell my things. The things that I've been holding onto forever because they reminded me of "him" & more importantly "us". I sold the table. The table that we ate dinners at sometimes. & The table that we tried to figure things out at when things were falling apart. It's gone. Sold. & The couches. Those couches we watched movies on, many nights of the week. The couches we sat on with company that came and saw us. Sold it. Starting over. My dad once said, "Why would you want to keep that stuff? Wouldn't you want to just start over & start fresh?" He was right. I do want to start over & start fresh with new things. With my new somebody. Not sharing my old things with a new somebody. It makes sense in my head. . . Even though it's hard.

I've gained a lot of confidence in myself this year & I've had a few people comment just within the last month about it. I haven't started dating much, until recently really. & I've gone on a few blind dates. One of which happens tomorrow & on Saturday. It's funny. People like playing "match maker" & I don't mind. This week I've had a few dates. Date: Tuesday. Date: Wednesday. Date: Today (Thursday). Date: Tomorrow (Friday) & Date: Saturday. It's nice. Having someone spend some money on me. Last week I went on a few dates. Different boys. Just nice getting out & meeting people most importantly.  Anyways.

I took three finals this semester. Can I just brag about my awesome grades this semester. Three A's & one B+. Yeah. That just brought my GPA up TREMENDOUSLY! I'm so proud of myself. & I'm basically working full time every other week alternating with part time. =) That's all. Doing what I need to, for myself. That's all.

Loves.

12.o3.12. monday.

You say don't walk away
But baby give me one good reason
More than just a line
You better make it count this time
You told me but you never really showed me
That I'm worth the fight
Oh I'm worth the fight

Baby, just breathe in
Breathe out
Before you turn around
Just/slow/down
Think of all the love we've made
If we give it just one more try
Maybe we could stop this goodbye
I know through all this pain
Somehow somewhere love remains

Love takes time to build it's defenses
And trust takes time to tear down those fences
And love remains that's stronger than ever before
So don't walk out that door
I don't wanna hurt anymore


Gosh. Song of my life. These holidays are killing me. . .
SOMETHING HAS GOT TO GIVE.
It's 1:16am & I can't sleep . .
Thank you mind for racing at such convenient times, oh wait.
You haven't stopped all week. . .

--Lady Antebellum.

Check it. ^^^ Loves.

11.27.12. tuesday.

Yesterday I received quite the compliment from one of my coworkers. Pharmacist Timothy told me how he noticed my self confidence had improved tremendously over the last few months. He told me he could tell I am very confident in myself and the way I present myself. He said maybe everything I have been through in the last year has had an influence on my self confidence. I was actually excited to hear this information. Knowing that he feels like I have improved my self confidence and the fact that he volunteered to tell me that, made me feel great.

I haven't noticed it but I guess in some ways I have increased confidence in myself. The way I present myself towards others. A lot of it might be that I feel like people watch what I do more now that I am divorced. I am confident in myself, knowing I tried my hardest in doing what I could to continue my marriage. I can't dwell on that. I need to move on & better my life. Dax was a big confidence boost in my life when we were together. But now, I am my own confidence boost. I do well at school & I have an awesome work ethic. I am financially stable, affording to purchase my second vehicle two weeks ago.

I might have posted about this a few weeks ago. but oh well. I'm saying it again. My bishop told me a few weeks ago that everything I have been through in the past year or so has made me grow up ten times faster than what I normally should have had to grow up.

I couldn't agree with him more. I've kind of picked myself up. I can't rely on people to hold my weight and be the keeper of my self confidence. I need to do what's right for myself.

Speaking of which, I watched Teen Mom 2 last night. & seeing Leah go through everything with her ex husband & her divorce. & seeing how she might have screwed up but she wanted to try counseling and she wanted her family to stay together, made me feel like our lives were so the same. I might have screwed up. but in the end I wanted my marriage to work. I wanted to do counseling. I tried doing everything I could. But just like in the case of Leah & Corey, Leah couldn't do it by herself. & Corey didn't think it would help. In the end, they didn't go to counseling. It was hard to see how broken up Leah was during the episode. But now, I see how happy she is with her new guy & how she's expecting a baby & how happy she is. Gives me hope for my future.

Anyways. I'm done rambling. I purchased a new car a few weeks ago. I finally brought it up to college and decided to share my new purchase with everyone yesterday. Here's a cute picture of my new car!!! I'm pretty happy about my purchase. It's basically. . . brand new.

Loves.

11.25.12. Sunday.

I've been waiting to do this blog all month long. Especially ever since I've seen everyone on Facebook post everything they're grateful for all month long. I decided not to blow up everyone's Facebook feed & just make a blog of it. Here you go loves.

1. I'm grateful for my immediate family. They help me through everything & are the ones I turn to with everything. My sister, mom, & dad are all three of my very best friends. I could not live without them. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
2. I'm grateful for my job. Even though I may complain about it, I am thankful that I have a job.
3. I'm grateful for my health. Thankful that I don't have any serious illnesses & can live a happy healthy life.
4. I'm grateful for my education. College may seem like a drag, but it's an experience not a lot of people get, I'm thankful for being able to go to college & not take out any student loans.
5. I'm grateful for my friends. I've lost plenty but those who have stayed have gained special places in my heart. They've backed me up from day one.
6. I'm grateful for my freedom. Thankful for the soldiers that fight for my freedom.
7. I'm grateful for my roommates. I got blessed with the worlds best roommates this year.
8. I'm grateful for my vehicles. The ability to have two different cars is a blessing not a lot of people can obtain by the age of twenty-two.
9. I'm grateful for my dog. Sugar-bear keeps me safe & fills my heart with happiness.
10. I'm grateful for places to call home. Both home at college & home at home.
11. I'm grateful for my coworkers. Even though I may not care for some of them, I'm thankful to have such caring coworkers who work so well with my school schedule & my time off. They have the ability to make me laugh when I feel like my world is crashing down. They're great.
12. I'm grateful for clean clothes. Thankful that I can wear clean clothes daily.
13. I'm grateful for my cellphone. Thankful for the ability to communicate with people from all over the country, in the palm of my hand. Technology has come a long way.
14. I'm grateful for my money. The ability to pay for things I need, when I need them.
15. I'm grateful for being able to cook. Although my cooking skills aren't grand, I am thankful for the ability to read a recipe when needed.
16. I'm grateful for sweat pants. Allowing me to stay comfy when I'm home.
17. I'm grateful for my space heater. Allowing me to stay warm for the cold winter to come in Logan.
18. I'm grateful for insurance. Without it, I might be in forever debt if anything ever happened.
19. I'm grateful for my extended family. They support me through everything & they would be there for me in a heartbeat if I needed them.
20. I'm grateful for blankets. Keeping me warm all winter long.
21. I'm grateful for my hot chocolate maker. Providing me drinks daily either to take to work or to just hangout with the roommates.
22. I'm grateful for my cousins. We are all best friends. I can count on them for everything.
23. I'm grateful for the ability to travel. I've traveled many places in the U.S. & a few places outside the U.S. not a lot of people get that privilege.
24. I'm grateful for movies. Providing entertainment and allowing me to escape from the world for a bit.
25. I'm grateful for my tablet. I'm obsessed with it. The games I can play & the books I can read on there, amazing.
26. I'm grateful for my ex husband. We've been through a lot, but I'm thankful for everything he has shown me & everything I learned from him. Although we had a rough fallout, I think he's a great person & I have so much respect for him.
27. I'm grateful for music. Making my hour drive to work & home from work feel like two minutes.
28. I'm grateful for snow plows. Especially with this upcoming winter.
29. I'm grateful for holidays. Bringing people together since. . . forever & Bringing families even closer.
30. I'm grateful for my life. The ability to live it the way I would like. Ability to make my own choices of how I want to live it. It makes me. . well. Me.

Just a simple list of the things I am grateful for. I'm grateful for all of YOU. LOVE YOU.

Loves.

11.11.12. sunday morning.

It's official. I'm doing this to prove a point. Some people need to learn that they have no right to say ANYTHING about a situation when they are unclear of what really happened in the situation. Some people need to watch their pretty little mouths (& or fingers when texting) when they have no clue what happened in someone's life. The following screen shot text messages play a perfect example of this &YES, I am willing to share this. I need to do some hazing of a certain individual who thinks he is the all knowing of MY situation.

Yes, you read that correctly. "No wonder your divorced." First off, Let me grammar check you. It's 'YOU'RE' not 'YOUR' Like "no wonder you are divorced." Learning the difference between you, your, and you're is very crucial in today's society. Now, let's get it right. Next, I wish he would have stated why he thinks he is so entitled to even say something like this. Why he thinks he has the power to do so. Because, quite frankly he doesn't know anything that happened in my divorce. & Want to know how this was brought up originally? Because I, Chirelle, wanted Obama to win. Hm. You might ask yourself how my divorce has anything to do with Obama winning? Well, it doesn't. This boy just thinks he can bring up irrelevant material when trying to 'prove his point' apparently. Which, he's not actually doing a very good job with in the first place.

This is my second text message screen shot. After I told him to stop a few days ago, I simply sent him this nice text message simply telling him to just send my stuff back. (He has some of my things from when I went to DC to see him. Some things which have meaning to me & that I simply just want back. They're my things, I deserve to have them back.) Note that I said 'Please' and wasn't being tacky or rude. Then I just reinforce wanting my stuff back soon. Apparently, Trent was under the impression that I was attacking him. Yes. See the bottom text he sent. Oh, you would like me to stop bothering you? Well, send my stuff back & that would be a done deal. Someone got pretty defensive & felt threatened all of a sudden. Let me tell you why he is so 'threatened' by me. Well. you see. One: Because I wanted Obama to win. & Well.. over half of the American voters also wanted Obama to win. Hence, why he won popular vote & not just electoral votes. & Two: because I don't think a long distance relationship is in our near future. Why? Because DC isn't really convenient for me, I'm a busy girl trying to make my life worth something, & well, I'm just not feeling it. After talking with my mom about this situation, she said:
"Some people try to attract butterflies with vinegar."

I couldn't have said it better myself. Interesting the things people do to let you know they 'care' Because believe me, Trent assures me that all he has ever done is "care." Then shouldn't we end this on better notes? You would think.

As Daily Grace would say "Trent, You've been HAZED." & Can I just say how pathetic text fighting is. CALL ME. Don't text fight me. My next future dates, will now be screened by Nate, who works as security forces in the United States Air Force. THANKS.

Loves.

11.o1.12. thursday.

Says Chirelle.

Loves.

1o.23.12. tuesday/early wednesday morning.

Went down a stroll of memory lane with pictures.

I officially feel like throwing up and crying, forever.

Seriously, why do I do this to myself?!

. . . . give it a rest, Chirelle. Give it a rest.

1o.18.12. thursday.

We finished our wall finally! It was quite the project thought. I'll show you our steps. It took. . . ohhh quite a few weeks. Because we would work on it. & then get super sick of working on it. Ha. Yeah. It looks simple, but so not simple. I was so sick of looking at the same colors, all the time. Poor Megan helped me with it. I couldn't have done it without her.

I love it & I'm very pleased. ♥ It looks fresh. People that have been to our apartment the last month and some have all watched the process of the paint swatches and they've all said 'wow that looks cool' wellllll. COME SEE THE FINAL PRODUCT!!!!!! & we have so many extra paint swatches still.hahhha. we went to walmart one day, & filled my purse up with them. hahaha. it was fun. & paint swatches are FREE! FREE DECORATION!!! anyways.

School has been going well, lots of papers, & lots of stress. I had to change my work schedule because I was drowning in work and school. So hopefully that will be better. Fall break as of today! WHOOW! Working Saturday but I have tomorrow off. Nail appointment at noon. Maybe seeing Cee Cee & taking her the baby gift we got for her. =) Yay! Hopefully she will love it. It's cute. & spending time with MY FAMILY. I love them. It was nice to have Michayla in town last weekend. & guess what? She'll be home again next weekend. It's Jason's wedding. I'm excited for him.

I might have a surprise in store for everyone soon. =) It's only going to cost me a lot of money, but will be worth it. You will see, if things play out how they should. Be excited & cross your fingers for me!

LOVES.

o9.29.12. saturday

I might have posted something about this a few months ago, but today I came across the song again. & I just adore it. It's seriously thee cutest song I've ever heard. & I just love the lyrics.
Beautiful Heartbreak by Hilary Weeks. It's a must listen to. Seriously. In the song she sings:

I used to pray he'd take it all away, but instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

It just proves that we all have these tough trials that we all go through. Different things, every single one of us. Losing a parent, losing a baby, being lonely, being abused, being childless, etc. Those things make us the person we are today, we learn from those things. They become our beautiful heartbreaks. 'through all of the tears and sleepless nights. it became a beautiful heartbreak.'

My beautiful heartbreak would have to be being divorced. I'm accepting this, still hard. Many tears & many sleepless nights later. I know this is just a beautiful heartbreak. I have to think of the things that I'm so blessed with in my life. There are many things. I have an excellent job with a source of income & I'm going to school and gaining a better education for myself. I have a supportive family that would do anything for me & they love me very much. I have friends I know I can count on & they would be there for me any time of the day, without a shadow of a doubt. I've been blessed to be able to travel and see many different states and different countries. I've been blessed with big brother figures in my life, who would protect with me with everything they have. So blessed.

& I wish I could put out more inspirational blogs & have more inspirational words. But for now, this is all I've got. Please remember your blessings in which you've encountered throughout your life & those you continue to encounter.

Loves.

o9.25.12. tuesday.

Redecorating my room this week. Last weekend I purchased a new down comforter & duvet. I love it. With some cute throw pillows. I'm excited to get everything switched around in my room. I'm in need of shopping though, need some pictures to go up on my wall. Finally settling into this college life. Love my roommates. They're great. Amanda & I had a little Tiff about the Jazz & Lakers already though. HA! She will come around, after all. Lakers can cook cookies.

She will learn sooner than later, hopefully. ;) I changed my work schedule, well ish. I finally told Timothy that I was officially drowning & He explained that he thought school was more important than working at the pharmacy, even though they need my help, school is top priority. I'm thankful for him saying that. I dropped one day, every other week. & I really think that one day will help a lot. I just need to be motivated to be busy that one day & not lounge around. It'll be good.

My roommate Megan, found a blog the other day & shared it with me. I LOVE IT! Well. A certain post that is, the only real post I read. I should follow her & read more actually. Her words were amazing. THIS POST. Enjoy. She has a post in the opening paragraphs stating this:

"When you’re young; you don’t have to make smart decisions to make sound decisions. You’re still mapping the territory, so failure is the quickest route between idiocy and enlightenment."

I so believe & love how this is stated. It's so true. So you should, well. Take it for what it's worth.

Going to write a paper now on remembering my grade school years & experiences.

Loves.

o9.19.12. wednesday.

SO unbelievably true. seriously. . .

Loves.

o9.17.12. monday.

I am insensitive.
I have a tendency to pay more attention
to the things that I need.
I'm hard to love, hard to love, no I don't make it easy.
I am a short fuse.
I am a wrecking ball, crashing into your heart, like I do.
I wish that I could be more like YOU.



Really though. . .
Some things are unchangeable & some people
need to be taken off pedestal that they
do not deserve to be place upon any longer.
Although, this is hard for me to do.
Something once so cherished & now no longer.
Get out of my head.

Loves.

o9.1o.12. monday.

Longest work day of my life. . . seriously. Is today over with?
I got home at 10. . . PM. I left this morning for work at ten AM.
Plus class before work.. Ewe.

'one of these days you're gonna love me.
you'll sit down by yourself & think
about the time you turned from me. &
what good friends we might have been.
& then you're gonna sigh a little & maybe
even cry a little but, one of these days,
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE ME.

One of these days, I'm gonna love me.
& Feel the joy of sweet release.
One of these days I'll rise above me,
& at last I'll find some peace.
Then I'm gonna smile a little, & maybe
even laugh a little, but one of these days,I'M GONNA LOVE ME.'


Loves.

o9.o7.12. friday.

This sickness thing I have, has got to go away. Went to the doctor today, he basically told me how I need to eat chicken. I said 'uh that won't be happening. I'm a vegetarian.' He said 'well just think of the chicken as morphine.' uh. Doctor? Are You high? Because morphine is actually nothing like Chicken. But thank you for your wisdom of . . .nothing. However, the doctor did tell me that I'm no longer contagious. So that's positive. Called in sick to work today, which as everyone knows, is something I never ever do. Cameron J went into work for me. He's great. I realllly appreciated that. I stayed home. Slept. Studied. Yeah. Pretty much didn't leave my bed.

The Aggies are playing the U right now in Logan. Oh how I wish I felt better & actually went. holy Crap. It would have been a good game. They're in overtime now. 20-20. Sheesh, seems like the U got a little too cocky before coming to Logan. & the Aggies decided to knock a little sense into their game & step it up. Way to go, Aggies!! & did I mention how freaking LOUD it is at the stadium. Yes I can hear every chant here at my apartment. Don't lose this one aggies, You've been ahead all game. come on now.

Tomorrow, work & then play date with my cousins. I'm pretty excited. All of our parents are on a cruise right now, lucky parents. So I though, what the heck, lets show the parents we don't need them to have fun. =) So that's exactly what we will be doing. Pizza, park, & pictures tomorrow night. & possibly a fun random stop at grandma&grandpa's house to surprise them! It will be fun. I need a night out with people that actually matter in my life. & just get away for a bit. Relax. I need some real time talkin' with them.

I feel pretty lonely ever since I moved up to Logan. Sure, I'm filling my days up & I hardly have any spare time but. . . It's just not the same. Everything. Yes I love rooming with Megan & Hanging out with Kerina. & school is definitely a time filler, as well as work. It's exhausting. But it's not what I want. It's not the time filler that I want. . .

Enough is enough, goodnight loves. We've got a big day tomorrow.

o9.o4.12 tuesday.

So many stories to post. But, I need to keep my blog readers on their toes. so. . . Here you go.

So I'm taking a Child Guidance/parenting course this semester. I'm actually pretty intimidated by the course itself, I think it'll be a little challenging. Maybe it's because the professor only teaches grad students & our class is his only undergrad class. Kind of intimidating, to say the least. Anyways. I've liked it so far. & The reading, even though it's a lot, has been interesting. & I haven't fallen completely asleep while reading, Ha. I actually get through it well.

So today in class, he had all 80 of us go out on the Quad outside. The quad is just a big area of grass in the middle of campus, people play ultimate frisbee out there, flag football, whatever. So We all went outside & lined up along where the cement meets the grass. So all 80 of us were in a big line, all at the same starting point. The professor then read questions & we had to move depending on the question & our answer towards the particular question.

Example: 'Take one step forward if you owned your own car in high school.' or 'take two steps back if you've ever witnessed domestic violence.' or 'take one step backwards if you grew up in a step family.'

Just some good old random questions, pertaining to school, life, family, stuff like that. Well everyone is taking steps back & forward looking around watching people take those different steps & seeing who has actually gone through the stuff he has mentioned. So I was doing pretty well, near the front & then the question was asked, 'Take one step back if you've ever been divorced or remarried.' I stood there for a minute looking down & then looking to my left & my right. No one moved. Everyone stood still. I picked up my foot & moved back one step.

As I took this step back, my heart was pounding. I knew others just saw me take that step back, & honestly it probably didn't phase them & they didn't think anything of it. But that one step backwards, meant a whole heck of a lot to me. My head began racing about everything I had been through. All of these other fellow classmates were taking steps back for having to take out a loan for school, or having an ill family member. & I'm the divorced one that just had to take a step back.

After 15-20 questions were asked we all looked around at all of our classmates, seeing where everyone was on his line that we once were all in the same spot & now we were scattered on the quad. some ahead of me & some behind. We went back inside & the professor asked what we gained from that activity. I kept quiet, as usual. But I enjoyed what others said. One girl commented saying 'It was like a disadvantage for us to have someone with a physical illness & I had to take a step back. But that illness is not a disadvantage in my life. I've learned a lot from that.' Another girl said a similar thing about taking a step back for having a step parent, she then said she wouldn't be in college if it wasn't for that step parent so she doesn't see it as a disadvantage in her life.

I sat & thought about Dax & I. About being classified as 'divorced.' Ah. that D word is such an ugly word. & I don't like that information getting out & I know it will just take time. Now, I'm not going to say that my divorce was an advantage, at all. Because it's nothing I would wish on anyone. I think there are life lessons I need to take from my divorce. This assignment really opened up my eyes to that. Now, I just need to figure out all of those life lessons that it taught me. Now, that's the truly hard part. Picking out the good, in a terrible situation.

Zumba tonight with Kerina. Love her. She's great.

Loves.

o9.o2.12. sunday.

This past week of school has been such a rush. Been busy with classes & driving & work. Trying to build relationships with my roommates. They've been great. Although, getting used to this new roommate situation has been really hard on me. I'm not used to living with three other girls. It's hard. Classes are going well, I like them. Most of them are in the same building, which makes it easy. Been hanging out with Kerina often. She's a doll. I love her. Her relationship makes me pretty jealous though. Through all the struggles, they definitely seem happy. I texted Megan the other day before my class started. The girls behind me had just gotten married & were saying how happy they were & everything & I texted Megan saying. 'I'm going to throw up all over these girls talking about how happy they are in their marriage.' I feel so bitter towards people who actually make their marriage work. It's ridiculous really, I should be happy for them. But I'm not. Hearing people tell me about their love story & how they met blah blah blah, no. I will probably just picture myself stabbing you with a pencil if you keep talking. seriously.

I'm a lot a bit bitter, don't you think? Yeahhh.

Enough for now. . =/ Loves.

o9.o1.12. saturday.

Well. I just wanted to write a post & inform everyone of the situation that happened last week & last Saturday. & How it's forever moved me.

Everyone knows how tight the Pearson Auto Mechanics are at the shop my dad owns. He has very few employees making those relationships they have even closer. James. Mark. Brady. - Main mechanics. Taylor & Rob work on the weekends. Well this Pearson Auto Family was forever changed. The night of August 20th, 2012, Brady was in a car accident, which took his life. Brady was the youngest mechanic at my dad's shop. He just recently graduated high school this year. He had worked there for a few years. Now, I knew Brady although I will not claim I knew him well. Because I didn't. I did however take pictures of him for my dad's upcoming Pearson Auto website that is in the making, a few days prior to the accident. When I heard of this accident, I was shocked. I couldn't believe it. The funeral was on Saturday, August 25th, 2012. Walking into the church & see the video playing of Brady growing up & all he has been through in his life. This young kid beat brain cancer at such a young age. He had overcome so many things. Walking into the room with the casket, it was opened. & He looked so good. He was wearing his work uniform, which he loved & was always seen in. This was such an honor to my dad. He has his work jacket on as well. Pearson Auto hat lay in the side of the casket. Along with a few things that had so much meaning to him. We were all passed green ribbons to wear on. Seeing James absolutely broke my heart. He was so heart broken. We then proceeded to the burial grounds. There were hundreds of people gathered there when we drove up. It was a beautiful ceremony. Full of laughs & tears. They had everyone get up & sign the casket at the end. Who ever wanted to sign it could.

My dad loved having Brady work there. Brady was like a son to my father. Brady & Taylor both are like sons to my dad. Sons that he never had. This whole thing made my mind run. I had work after the services & I was a mess. I was crying. I was swollen eyed. It was not pretty. It just made life seem so unfair. No one should have to bury someone so young. A child. Parents should never have to bury their children. His life had just begun, He had just graduated high school. Eighteen years old. He had not lived his life, he never had a family, children, grandchildren. It just doesn't seem fair. I got really bitter towards why things happen. It's so hard not being able to see the big picture of why things happen. It was good however, to talk to my parents. My dad even said 'there has to be a big picture.' He knows there has to be a bigger picture than what is just here on Earth. & That was a lot to hear him say. Seeing that he doesn't believe in a higher power very often, if at all. It just doesn't seem very fair. Why do these things happen. Why does Heavenly Father take someone so young & so precious? Life lessons? To teach people & have people ask questions? I'm unsure about why things like this happen. He's so young. I just can't stop thinking about how young he really is. Eighteen. Four years younger than I am. Two years younger than my sister. I can't imagine that the parents are going through. Brad (Brady's dad) did give me a rose off the casket when I was leaving. I have it to Taylor along with my green ribbon. It will mean more to him. When getting in a car, please be careful everyone. One accident can change the lives of many people, forever. This whole situation is so tragic & sad. I have thought so much about life & how final life can be when someone passes on. It's not like 'I will see you tomorrow.' No, there won't be another tomorrow. Cherish & let those you love know that they are loved. Cherish those relationships/friendships. When talking to my mom about all of this, I told her this:

"It's like we all have invisible ticking clocks above our heads, counting down our days here on this Earth. No one can see them, but they're there. Above everyone's head."

We are in the process of putting up some things at the shop to represent Brady. There will always be the 'Brady Baugh Bay', which will include a shadow box. Picture to come when projects are finished. Spend time with those who you love. & Let them know they mean something to you before time runs out. Brady will surely be missed & will forever be in the hearts of those he had the chance of coming in contact with while he was here for his short time on Earth.

RIP Brady James Baugh

o8.16.12. thursday.

Moving up to Logan this coming week. & I'll be honest, I'm a little nervous. I feel so secure with my life right now. I don't run into a lot of people that I don't care to run into. I spend time with Janalynn often & Ashley. & see some others that I enjoy seeing from time to time. Working plenty. & keeping busy. Change this time, isn't just change. Moving to Logan would never be such a big deal before. but I have a past up there. & That is a past that I would like to leave in the past. & Not revisit. Megan will be up there with me though, & that is a very good thing. She's adorable & I can't wait to move in with her & be roomies. & see who our other two roomies are. Hopefully they're nice. Because that's what I need. No crazies please.

Trent & I have been trying to touch base as much as possible. I wouldn't say it's easy & sometimes I feel bad. I want so badly to be there for him all the time. & right now, that's just not that possible. Skype can only do so much. I'm dreaming of the day that I can actually go back & see him. But right now, it's only just a dream. There's been some talk about what to do next May, school will be out. & my apartment will no longer be filled with my stuff. Debating actually going out & spending some time out there with Trent. But that's so hard to just jump into. Somewhere where I know nobody. Somewhere new. Somewhere with lots of change. & there's lots of questions to be asked about the situation. Right now, we just need to see where things go & just go day by day, week by week, month by month. May is a bit away. I'm really likin' this boy. He treats me well. really well.

My birthday is coming up this weekend. =) Bee's game with Ashley & her family on saturday night. & dinner with my parents sunday maybe? The plans aren't set for sunday yet. We will see what happens.

Birthday sunday, work monday, packing tuesday, move in wednesday, work thursday & birthday dinner with Ashley. work friday. work saturday. work sunday. school & work monday. I've got a long work week ahead of me after celebration birthday sunday. Can you believe school starts in a little over one week? Bring it on.

loves.

o8.12.12 sunday.

blog, unblocked.

Recently went & bought a new laptop. The whole side my previous one had ripped off basically. I have had it for four years though. It was inevitable. Been working a lot, In fact I work this whole weekend. Friday, Saturday, Today, Tomorrow, Tuesday. Makin' that money. HA!

Boating with the pharmacy yesterday after work. It was actually a lot of fun. I pretty much hate water but I didn't even get in the water, got on the boat & from there Mechel jumped in and pulled the wave runner over to me and I jumped on that from the boat.  Ha! It really was fun getting out with some coworkers I actually like & being on a real not work level with them. Thanks Marv for the boat & Ammon, Mechel, Christy, Joey, Cameron S, Cameron J, Brady, Shanae, Millie, & Cameron  S's  brother for coming. It really was a blast. =) It is the little things that make me realize I actually DO like some of my coworkers. Ha.

I move to logan on August 22nd. It should be exciting. Moving in with my lovely Megan. She's so cute. I love her. It will be a blast living with her. & I can't wait to find out who the other two girls will be. We are living off campus in Oakridge apartments. Megan & I are talking about buying a car pass so we can drive to campus instead of riding the bus. Or we could do both. The bus comes right in front of our apartment. I just don't know if I would enjoy riding the bus. Bleh. Back to Sophomore year of high school again I suppose. HAHA. Anyways. That's the big news going on in this girls life. Not a whole lot. Not so much ready for school to start, but ready to fill my life with some socialness.

Trent & I are still talking. I really do like him. It's definitely hard not seeing him. But we skype as much as possible & Talk on the phone often. Our schedules are a little off though, Me working days & him working nights. But we make it work as well as we can. For now at least, because we don't have any other choices. I do feel bad though, coming home from a long day of work & wanting to sleep, staying up as late as possible but Trent can tell I'm struggling to keep my eyes open on skype. I really am trying to be able to talk to him, but it's not easy & I can't imagine it will be any easier once school starts. Just something we both have to constantly try at, if we both want it.

BTW. my mom & I are having a  Norwex cleaning stuff party on Wednesday, August 15. Everyone is invited. So come &  hangout. It should be fun. Ask for details.

love you all.

o7.29.12. sunday.

Recently got back from Washington DC on Friday. I went & saw Trent for one whole week & wow. Did I have a great time. Time of my life, seriously. I couldn't have wished for a better vacation. The boy spoils me & had so many little surprises for me, It was amazing.

We spent a few days in DC itself. We went to the museum of natural history, definitely my favorite museum & a must see for everyone else who has never been there! Museum of American history was okay, It has the first legit American flag in it. suuuper cool to see! Washington monument, WWII memorial, Lincoln memorial, White house. We pretty much walked everywhere, until we were at the Lincoln memorial & wanted Panera Bread. Took a taxi & then walked from Panera to the white house & back to the museums. What an amazing experience to see so many things in history & yet, I feel like I didn't see anything! Because there's just so much to see!! We went to Arlington Cemetery one day. & that was amazing. So many headstones, I was in awh. I can not believe all of those soldiers died to protect our freedom. <3 love the military services our country has. We went into Annapolis (Marylands capital) a few different times. One of which Trent & I were dancing by the bay & he stepped on my foot. Snap! Broke my toe nail, that J just put on there a week ago, off! Dang Acrylic!! & Dang boy steppin' on my toe! So He redid my toes for me. hahaha. It was adorable. He's perfect. We got about a million smashed pennies in Virginia & Maryland. Spent some time in Baltimore. Went on a date to the Baltimore aquarium. Amazing & Cheesecake factory! Loved every second of it! Went to 3 Different shopping malls. & Saw the Katy Perry Movie in 3D! I loved it. Trent liked it as well (He just wont admit it to his buddies.) ha. Such a boy. Busch Gardens one day. SUUUPER hot, sweating all over the place, but it was so much fun & we had the times of our lives. I even dodged some knives that were being thrown at me in the 3D movie. ahh!! 'did you really just dodge those?!' YES THEY LOOKED REAL!! hahahah. Or Trent's face on the roller coaster picture, scared as freaking ever when I'm making the cheesiest face of my life, smiling away! My flip flop broke when we were with his friends eating Lunch at the mall & He fixed it with a safety pin I had. He says 'A city boy would not have been able to fix that! Just us country boys!' hahaha!! So SO SO true! Dinner at a few of his friend's houses. Thank you to Ryan & Tasja & Derek & Emily for having us over. Drove around a lot & saw the LDS temple. It was really cool to hang out with Trent's friends & even though they might have bad military mouths, when they say how beautiful the LDS temple is at night, all lit up. It is amazing to hear. They just light up when they talk about the beauty!

We gained so many new quotes, like the little seven year old at the aquarium that was yelling 'WHAT THE HECK! Look at that HUGE EEL!! That's a HUGE EEL!' when it was clearly a tank full of stingrays. & the parents just stood there looking at the 'eels'. Parenting at it's best. HAHAHA! Or the little boy that was at the natural history museum & said 'I'M A FROG!!' or the kid behind us at busch gardens on the roller coaster that kept saying 'OH SNAP! OH SNAP WE ARE GOING TO MAKE A TURN! OHHH SNAPPP!!' hahaha. or the girl & her  boyfriend fighting on the pier in Annapolis about chicken wings. 'I ate all your chicken wings' says the girl. 'NO YOU DIDNTTT' says the boy. hahaha!

He bought me a build a bear pig. We called her pink. She's adorable & Trent loved cuddling with her. She loves her daddy. We however did not get a family picture, Which I'm bummed about. But we will get another time. He bought me these beautiful earrings, that he gave me on the pier in Annapolis? I think. & surprised me with Lace Toms sitting on my suitcase one morning when I got out of the shower! They're perfect! He's so cute & all these simple little things he did for me/simple surprises that meant the world to me! Like when we went out to the pond at night & did sparklers & ate ice cream & laid under the stars. Something so simple, yet perfect in my eyes. That is until the mosquitoes came out & attacked me & my knee swelled up. Dang Mosquitoes!

Had an amazing time being in this truck, way too big for me to get in or out of. Trent often had to help me in and out of it. The seat I had to jump into was up to my face. & Drivin' like a rockstar, with black tinted windows & singing songs loud and proud with Trent. It's been a while since I've smiled that much & been that happy. What an amazing feeling to have again. I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

Unfortunately back to reality. My flight got into the airport in SLC at 10:30am friday, & I pretty much went straight to work after that. Worked friday & saturday. So it is finally nice to have a sunday off & catch up on some things. Spent saturday night with my J. She's adorable & it was nice to just have it be her & me yesterday. We went & got subway & went to sally's. Went back to her place & watched Ladder 49 while Gossiping & eating our subway dinners. She then did extensions in my hair. & we dyed her hair & fixed a few of my fingernails that were pulling up & fixed my toe nail that Trent broke off. Hahaha! The night ended with Purple hair extensions in both of our hair! & laying on her bed listening to CRAZY GIRL on the radio! Missing our boys. <3 Loved spending time with her, It was one long week without her, but I was with my Trent. & I just wish I could have been with BOTH of them. They're both amazingly wonderful. Love them.

Enjoy the pictures, because facebook is yet to see most of these! <3 loves.

 
 

o6.2o.12. wednesday.

one month from last night, I will be in DC with Mr. Trent.

did I mention I'm super excited.

SUPER EXCITED.

Yes, now if only the next month will fly by.

<3 goodnight loves.

o6.17.12 sunday

Although I do love my luke bryan. <3
& I'm honestly not a fan with Kenny Chesney's new songs.
But this one, I just can not get enough of it.

youtube: come over.

<3 love love love love.

goodnight fellas. love YOU.

o6.15.2o12. friday.

                                 
Work has been interesting. I mostly enjoy my job. I made this cute note the other day on a nystatin order. All statin medications we change to zocor. so this is just a play on words, because nystatin is not a cholesterol medication. it's a yeast medication.Needless to say, the pharmacists got a kick out of it. Thinkin' it was cleaver.  hahah.

I've been hanging out with my J baby. She's so pretty. =) I love her.
She's most def. a best friend of mine. She's always got my back
So understands when I need to vent & she gets me!
Doesn't leave me for anything. Love her.
& what's even better is, we are both so stinkin' pretty.
She posted this picture on her facebook the other day &
her friend was like 'what the heck J! hook me up with your friend!! She's gorgeous!'

                                                     

 So. . . Low and behold, I have a blind date on monday with him. Eek. Ha =) Hopefully it goes well. Not looking for anything serious, just looking for a fun time & making new friends. ha.

Cami brought baby Fallon over the other day. She's getting so so big! Love her. She's so fun.
She loved my nails. It was cute watching her. & cute watching cami play mom!
Talked to her about Trent. She's excited for my little country boy. hahaha.

Today at work, we were slow during the end, Kami asked what size of shoes I wore. I said 'uh probably the same size as you.' so we swopped shoes. Yes we wear the same size. Then Jenifer was like 'okay girls, use one foot & make a pair of feet.' Hahaha. Her and Brady ended up sneaking pictures. It was fun.

I'm learning how to be strong. & even though I know people are watching over my ever actions, I wish they would just know that I'm doing things I need to do, for myself right now. I don't need to impress anyone. So please let me deal with my relationship with my Heavenly Father. He knows I'm doing the best I can. I don't need anyone else trying to correct me in my faults. Thanks for looking out for me, but I'm a big girl. I will be okay. . .

Ps. I might actually happen to have a ticket to DC next month. . . To go see Trent! =) He doesn't know yet. But will find out tomorrow, hopefully. I thought the package with my flight itinerary would be there today, but It wasn't. So cross your fingers for tomorrow. I need this vacation. . . & It's these little things that I would not get to experience if I was married to him. That's for sure. Travel was not in his agenda for us. . . Fortunately, I get to still make those choices and spend my money on flights & things I want to do, without having to check with someone.