2nd blog for thee day.

dear so called friends.

i'm done with this one sided relationship we have.
i'm done being the only one that tries.
i'm done being the one that tries to make this friendship work.

basically it's not up to me anymore, if you want me in your life, you'll find a way to put me there.

love tired of trying chirelle.

monday . 7 . 26 . 1o .

so i've been working my butt off. and today it's about to all pay off.

i need to pay for my college tuition tonight. twenty six hundred and some.
and i'm going shopping. because i definitely need a break. =) and there's this new store i want to hit up. well new to me. because i've never been there. but Janalynn had thee cutest shirt from there the other day. so mick and i are going in a bit.
i need a haircut as well.
and i need to go to the library to get this book. shoot i never read. but there's this book that troy from work said i would like alot. it's called blink. has anyone read it? its about how we do things without even thinking about it. it kind of fits into my psychology field. =)

pray that this monday is not as awful as past days off have been. i feel like i could sleep another 295803 hours. somebody called me and i didn't know the number this morning. so i didn't answer but it woke me up. boo. so i called my daxie. and said good morning and such. i love him so much. this past weekend he came down and spent it with me and stayed the night. and i swear. its like i can have the worst week with work and stress and such. and i can be so unsure about everything in the world and how things are going to play out. and then he shows up at my house and everything is instantly better. =) i dont know how he does it. but i really think he's a miracle in my life. we're trying to decide wedding days and months now. but with school and such. its kind of a stress.

dear utah state, why couldn't you make your winter break longer, seriously.

we will see what happens. jess's wedding is the next big event in my life. i seriously am so excited for her! but i dont know what i'll do without her for a week while she's on her honeymoon! dax gets to come spend three days in a ROW with me for her wedding. which i'm stoked about. =)

well off to get ready i suppose. peace out friends.

ps. on another note real fast, i got on myspace and found some things that made my heart just sink, completely. =( my aunt, its been four years this month. i can't even believe it. i miss her so much. ginger, one year this month--this WEEK. my heart is shattered all over again.

wednesday . 7 .21.1o.

i'm officially annoyed. nails bother me. work bothers me. girls bother me.

my nails are ALL pulling up. so i went and bought nail stuff because j hasn't gotten back to me. came home and amanda came over, my cousin. and showed me how to do them off this video. so anyways. then i continue to pull my nails off and then j calls. saying she can get me in friday night. aslkjlkfs. boo. so i went and bought stuff for nothing. basically. whatever.

work just sucks.

girls. you are retarded! i'm totally disgusted by some of you. drunk blowing up condoms like balloons. you're not attractive, no boys are going to like you. you just look like a complete RETARD! drinking is so unattractive. seriously. spend your time and money doing things elsewhere. i'm disgusted. and i'm sure boys are even more disgusted.

on another note, what is a promise ring? a few of these girls i know have been getting them lately. promise one day you'll be married? promise ring . . . hmm . . ?

AND i'm starving. and no one will make me dinner. and i dont know what to even make myself.

ohhh. and our backdoor window, shattered today. yeahhhh. what the freak.

tuesday . 7 . 2o . 1o .

work today. kassidi called in sick becasue her neck was stiff, really? if i was the manager i would have been like suck it up. sorry. no sympathy. tell me your throwing up and i will have sympathy. that's just me. worked an hour over time today. sam brought her daughter in after she got her from daycare to come back and help. and she's the cutest thing ever. i swear. hahahah. i dont know how that even happened. well. i just got my nails done, not even three weeks ago. and they're ALL pulling up. so i ripped one off today after work. =( ugh. i can usually go four weeks without them looking awful or pulling up. but not this time. i'm kind of upset. so i call j after work. she said she'd call me back but she never did. hopefully she will tomorrow. because i need them done ASAP. i'm serious. ps. what's the big deal with P90X. i want in on this.

Who are you texting?

dax, ish.

Why aren't you in 'love' with your last ex anymore?
because i have my attention elsewhere.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

i'm sure.

How late did you stay up last night and why?

not quite midnight. phone call. work this morning.

What do you currently hear right now?
fan.

Do you smoke crack everyday?
never. stupid.

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
a little bit ago.

Who was the first person you talked to today?

daddy.

Have you ever ridden a horse?
yesh.

Have you ever cried so much you threw up?
probaby not.

What is your current mood?
okay.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
doubtful.

Favorite color?
a lot.

What's your favorite smell?

coffee ♥

Ever kissed in the rain?

yeah.

What are you thinking about right now?
i need to go brush my teeth.

What should you be doing?
not this.

Do you like working in the yard?
yuck. no.

What color are your eyes?
brown.

Is there someone you just can't imagine your life without?
oh yes yes!

Where did you get your last bruise from?

i have no idea where or when my last bruise was.

Have you ever got a D or F on your report card?
i'm pretty sure i pulled off a D in gym 9th grade. =)

If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?

madsen.

Wereyou happy when you woke up today?

never happy when i wake up and know i have to go to that hell hole of a place.

Do you believe in true love?
yes.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?

no sir.

tuesday . 7 . 13 . 1o .

basically worst day ever.
i hate waking up annoyed and in a piss poor attitude because i know i work and i KNOW i hate my job because it just makes my day that much worse.

i just want to slit everyone's wrists.
and i just feel like i need to

and cry til i create a rain storm and flood the streets.
that is ALL. alsdkjflaksjdlaksjd.

2nd for today.

hey all you stupid teenagers having sex,

i hope you are on birth control, of some sort. seriously. or else i hope you all end up pregnant. maybe that will teach you to not mess around with the ways of creation. it makes me so frustrated. you don't even know your potential. you just let these boys take that away from you because they 'love you' i don't think so. tell them to put a freaking RING on your finger and marry you before you even think about doing that. and if they do 'love you' they will! i am so disgusted and disappointed. thanks for letting me down.

asdlkjks Chirelle.

monday . 7 . 12 . 1o .

so i made this salad pasta stuff i've been craving lately. for the past few weeks. and it looks REALLY GOOD. but i made it and then decided i didn't want it anymore. what is wrong with me?!
it has like mandarin oranges. bow tie noodles. spiral noodles. grapes. cranberries. water chestnuts. green onions. mayo. and coleslaw dressing. and then you put cashews in it when you eat it. but. i dont even want it anymore. it made a zillion AND i tried to cut down the recipe. i dont know what i'm going to do when i get married. how the freak do you cook for TWO people. dax has this recipe booklet for cooking for two. i will basically live out of that thing for a while. and double it up when we double with jess and justin.

they invited us to THEIR HOUSE yesterday for sunday dinner. it was so cute. jess made lasagna and justin made this oreo cheesecake. it was yummy. they're so cute together. and their house is cute. i'm so excited for them, yet so jealous. one day my day will come that i will have that. but i'm young right? i have time to grow still. i love dax so much. and we're going to be married one day. but we dont need that right now. right? why not be content with just having each other, yeah?

dont get me wrong. i'm way excited to be married to dax. i'm always making comments. i'm sure it kills him. but it'll happen one day. i went to lowes today to get paint swatches for jess' bridal shower. and i wondered over to the colorful ones. and pulled out a grass green. sunshine yellow. and like a rain blue. so not sky blue. but not dark blue. just blue. ha. and then a cottontail white. and i loveeeed it. it was perfect. so i took them. i love the colors together. dax says 'idk about the green' hello mister, you have your blue! i want my green because i can't have maroon. we both agree on yellow. so it just, fits.

i'm hungry. someone bring me food, and i will share my food with you. hmm. i'm watching this show about pregnant ladies with eating disorders. thats rough. like with my vegetarian eating habit. like i know i can't do that for my kids. when i'm pregnant. i dont know where i'll get my protein. meat still is iffy with me. hmm. just give me some jars of peanut butter, yeah? =)

i feel like . . . i haven't done anything today. i did however finish getting jess' bridal shower gift together. hahahaha. she's going to LOVE it. hahaha. hopefully. its. . . sexy!!! and i can't wait to throw her shower on friday. except i had a dream lastnight that it turned out lame and awful. =( eh. hopefully it doesnt!

i . need . to . tan . =)

mmm. tanning bed, did you just call my name?! see ya!

tuesday . 7 . 6 . 1o .

weekend with my daxie. it was perfect. we even went sneak peek engagement ring shopping. =) just for ideas and looks for now. nothing too serious i suppose. but i tell you what. its coming. one day. you will all see.

i learned alot this weekend : wearing flip flops in a windstorm will make your feet black. idaho hates cutting their park lawns but they have the brightest stars around. there's no such things as scratches, they're now called scribbles. 'what the white trash' will forever be a phrase in my language. cow legs in your front yard is normal. never leave your facebook on when dax and i are in the house. there is another girl, her name is Jenifer. four year old boys are tougher than i'll ever be. it is cool to wear your size stickers on your shirt, if you're from idaho. little children that dance at the fair are adorable, except when they're 15 year old boys. no one wants to see them. cheerleaders are stupid. otter pops are hard to open with your teeth. and aliens are real.

yeah it was a very educational weekend. ♥

so today i worked. booooo. it was awful. yeah i didn't talk to anyone. then at lunch i went and sat in my car in the parking lot. then when i came inside tyson said 'wow chirelle. got to eat lunch with the cool important people.' i'm like 'yeah i choose to be anti social. so i ate in my car by myself' and him and sam start laughing. and they both said they didn't blame me and i should have went to lunch with them. ha. typed for like 2 hours today. and answered the phone. my fear of that stupid phone is less and less everytime, but only when i can actually understand their english. and when they're patient and not rude. i took a phone call from a new home we might be bringing in and servicing. i passed the phone call onto danny. he tried to explain we go through a BGS company. so he tried to spell our B G S using other words. 'b as in boy. g as in . . whatever.' and i busted up laughing. what the crap is that?! hahaha. g as in whatever?! oh my gosh. he's like 'well i didn't think i had to explain G to them' hahahahah. it was silly. but that's about the highlight of my work day. yeah it was lame. after work i went and saw keily and kiery and debbie and kelsey. it was nice! finally seeing them. i miss them so much! little keily says 'chirelle! guess how old i am?! FIVE! and you haven't seen me since i was FOUR!' hahaha. she's a doll. i saw their new puppy. he's like one pound! and looks like a little fox! so cute! i want one. debbie said he'll only get to be four pounds!! i sooo want one. someone buy me a baby pom. a teacup pom, that is. mm. came home shortly after. i didn't stay very long. i miss them. i'd like to go over more often. i just don't think i'm much invited anymore. ha. the invitation isn't as open anymore. even though they say it is. eh. oh well. came home. talked with mom about my weekend and i got my new glasses today. my sister went and picked them up for me. except i need to take them back tomorrow because they're too big for my face. they go low on my face. i have to like look up, alot. ha. they'll just have to adjust them tomorrow. i better not get called in BTW. they told tyson not to come in wednesday and to come in thursday instead. so i'll be pretty pissed if they call me in! mmm. i decided i want a boob job. i swear! i wish i could suck all the fat from my freaking fat legs and put them on my boobs. dear future husband. don't expect much. WAIT. i have an idea. we'll just get me a boob job! perfect idea. i know. that will be like the best thing about having kids, besides the kid. ha. i'm just saying. hmm. someone invent a fat sucker replacer vacuum. it would be much appreciated. thanks.

busy day tomorrow, if i dont work! gift shopping for jess. seeing amanda and her baby. fixing my glasses. write about four missionaries. baseball game with mommy. yeahhh that stuff.

thursday . 7 . 1 . 1o .

what a day from hell. literally.

woke up at 7:10. snoooozed for ten minutes. then jumped up and got ready. ate cereal real fast and then off to work. i was like twenty minutes late, big deal. ha. jenny typed all day so i didn't even get to gossip with her about 'pretty little liars' not that i've seen this weeks episode or anything. pft. freaking desirae was driving me crazy. she's a tech student. but today was her last day (thank freaking goodness!) so hello she's been there 180 hours. she should KNOW what she's doing by now. its not hard. she's been there for like three months! anyways. she kept freaking screwing up. i think she likes to write cards, but if you write cards you have to make sure its a card! not an opti that the medication goes in! because if you make the cards and use the stickers on the cards. then its like a PAIN to fix it without making a new label especially if you seal it. which i did seal a few. then i had to re do them. i'm sick of fixing her stupid mistakes. like she messed up on SO much today. i'm like really!?! how long have you been here?! then everything she says is 'happy christmas. merry newyears' uh shut up. you're a freaking idiot. that statement doesn't even make sense and its just dumb! so shut your face. her and sam both think its hillarious, i swear. OH and we were short staffed today, which means we were getting our butts handed to us all day. we're always short staffed on tuesdays and thursdays. its awful. more so on thursdays though. anyways. so troy comes in and brings cookies he made and milk for us. what a nice guy. anyways. we're like running around trying to get the first delivery out and desirae is over there stuffing her face with cookies! what the hellllll. we have THINGS TO DO! not just eat! the cookies will be there in a few minutes, just get the freaking delivery out! so then i'm trying to get my IV's. so i go back into the IV room and ask danny for highland and provo. he gives me them and then i had kassidy's provo as well. well i took them out and desirae like runs up to me, knowing that i'm like calling for kassidy. and says 'DO YOU HAVE OREM!? I NEED OREM!!' what the freak. no i dont! why would i even think about helping you out when you're being a pain in my asssp and not even doing anything helpful!? anyways. after that was done. she was like 'i'm going to get buffalo wings. does anyone have money for me' what. no. k if you're offering to bring everyone in food, then you pay for it. you don't say 'who wants to pay for food that i'm buying' you eat everyone else's crap that they bring in. you can bring something in once in a while and not have to have everyone else pay for it. for instance, she was stuffing her face with troy's cookies earlier. troy didn't say 'oh fifty cents a cookie' idiot. so sam gave her 4 bucks and thats all anyone gave her. ha. lunch. and she was just a freaking loud face during lunch. saying stupid things 'gosh. parents always let their kids scream in restaurants and don't say anything. they just laugh' what parent in their right mind would do that? desirae, you're stupid. just don't talk. can you tell i'm extremely annoyed?! yeahhhhh. so then she finally leaves. and then i attempt to type again. i did a few refill sheets. they're not hard. just a pain because i'm like 'angie. what about this. angie what if there's no refills. angie what does this mean . . ' etc. then it was JUST me and sam on the line, the line from hell because we had SO many things to fill. angie left at four. and kassity typed and sam and i filled. well sam left at ten to six. and we were swomped. and the stupid kc pharmacist just walks around and wants to talk to everyone. uh hello. can you not tell everyone is running around?! they dont have time to stop and sit down and listen to your dumb stories. so needless to say, we didn't leave til a little after seven. AND we left a zillion medications out on the counter. like probably 300 medications. because we did NOT want to put them away. we had worked on our FEET for 11 hours. that was the last thing on our mind. i came home. and my exit was coming up on the freeway so i went to switch lanes. had my blinker on and the car in the right lane just sits there next to me and winks at me and waves and stuff. EWE you creeper 60 year old man! MOVE THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY! so then he finally moves up because i slowed down. and the car behind him wont let me in. so i throw up my arms and i'm like screaming in my car. finally i just sworved in between him and the car behind him. i was going to miss my exit. i had my blinker on FOREVER. came home. grabbed kelsey and mary's invites for the bridal shower. no one was home at kelsey's. i'll try again tomorrow. and mary was home so i gave her hers. came home. got a freaking papercut on my knuckle. what a way to end my horrible no good VERY BAD day. came inside. no dinner. birthcontrol pill. finallllly. and headache medicine. shower. this. now going to blowdry my hair and get in bed. i'm ready for this day to be OVER! you hear me?! OVER!!!!!!!!!

asldkjlakjsdljhgaihdsoaihsdoibfoainsklnalksdm.ashfoilanldk.

i'm pissy can you tell. and i get to do it ALL over again for six hours tomorrow. >=(




on a positive note, dax and i went to shane co. last night and looked at engagement rings. i love him.