o4.3o.12. monday

support your local auto mechanic shop.

Pearson Auto

^^^ click the link above
& 'like' the Facebook page. =)

Thanks friends. Love you all.

o4.23.12 monday.

just would like to rant for a minute about some bothersome things:
*If you don't like rants, don't read. . . & These are MY opinions.

1. I don't understand why people get married, when neither party has a stable REAL job. Like seriously? where do you plan on living and how do you plan on supporting each other?! your parents support you now! Hello reality check. sheesh. Let's get real grown up jobs and pay for our own things before we go and get married.

2. Parents that force marriage on their children. uhm. your child just graduated & just turned 18! Let them be a freaking 18 year old! Stop shoving marriage down your child's throat. They've only known the boy for two months, they do not need to start planning a wedding. Maybe they should actually go to college and get an education and or real job. I know we have to start somewhere but does anyone REALLY know what they want when they're 18?! doubtful.

3. People who have babies & can't support them on their own. In return, they move back in with their parents. They work at minimum paying jobs and have to have their family support them. And not only do they have one child, but they have multiple. You're only hurting that child, you do not have the means to have that child or support them and the things they need. Stop being selfish & get on birth control.

4. Now I know everyone thinks their child is just the cutest thing ever. & they post pictures of their child doing whatever their child does, on Facebook. okay. Yes some of my friends have babies that are absolutely adorable! and then some of my friends I'm like 'wow...' & I know you can't help what your baby looks like but. . . hmm. Let's just say people with attractive kids should be able to post pictures & those with less attractive children should be denied picture posting. . . yes it's rude. I know.

on a more positive note: KUDOS to my friends who DO have the means to have babies and support them fully on their own. I'm impressed. Also, Kudos to those who DID get married young & their marriage has lasted and they are happy & financially stable. I'm jealous of you & proud of you. This wasn't meant to offend anyone. Just getting some things off my mind, things that drive me freaking crazy that is. And for those young people who say 'I'm going to prove everyone wrong & my marriage will last' yeahhh. I was one of those who said that as well. & look where I am now. Part of one of those many divorce statistics.

Seriously people. . . seriously.

regardless of everything, I love you all.

o4.18.12. wednesday

the big D word is finalized. . . scary. i know.

& I'm a bit caught off guard at how fast things went through
& I'm a bit . . uneasy still? yes. uneasy.

But i'm making progress.
I haven't cried in a week. so that's good. . .
I changed my facebook relationship status to single
& posted a status update.
basically just appreciating those for the love & support
and discouraging any ill speaking or gossip between either party,
being dax or me.

texted my mom a while later & told her what it said.
then i said

"what an amazing and well spoken daughter you've raised.
too bad Dax doesn't do things like that to protect me
like i protect him. it's sad really."

While I know she's asleep, I know she will agree in the morning.
Wish he protected me like I make sure he is protected from others.

This life is a crazy roller coaster. . . and I thought my ride was coming to a halt.
fortunately or unfortunately, that did not happen.
Hold on pretty girl, the ride is just beginning.

o4.15.12. monday.

"gettin' along without you baby,
i'm better off without you baby.
how does it feel without me baby,
i'm getting stronger without you baby."

at least that's what i keep telling myself,
yet it doesn't seem any better.

wish things were different. . wish things were different. .

sara evans - stronger.

love her. love the song. love the words. love everything about it.
wish i could just be strong like her now. . .

i feel like it's been forever, i don't understand either.

o4.=(o9.12. monday.

if you could please listen to me.
& fix my . . .
heart. my emotions. my stress level. my . . . everything.
that would be a blessing. . .

=( zoning tomorrow, hopefully that helps.
if not, I will start counseling again soon.

I'm so depressed.
I just want to lay in bed and cry, all the time.

I can't do that. i need to get out.
i wish i could fix everything, unfortunately
I can't fix things by myself. . .

my emotions have taken over.

o3.21.12. wednesday.

my papers finally came. delivered by a police officer on monday, march 19th. i feel like i'm finally getting something done. bittersweet. but its a good thing. i can finally start moving on with my life.

it's amazing how many people have started talking to me. i think people are finding out. & everyone is trying to be there for me, in their own ways. even if they don't mention my situation. which i completely appreciate. i need all the support i can get. & most of all, i'm glad people haven't been nasty about it. if they do know. that is. Brandon at work said he was jealous of me & that if i ever need anything to let him know. Brandon. yes the one that usually isn't so pleasant. he gives me a hard time. but i know he's a great guy. and if i needed anything i'm sure he would help me out. which is nice to know. it's nice to have those people i can count on. really. they're becoming more important than ever.

i went to st geezy over spring break last week. can i just say how amazing it was. Ben, clint, & craig let me ride down with them. it was one interesting ride. but fun. =) i only got car sick near the ends of the ride home & the ride there. seeing my sister was great. she's cute. i love her. we went down to vegas & stayed in a hotel down on the strip. it was great. we went and walked the strip by ourselves for a bit. then the boys came and met up with us. it was great hanging out with them. i didn't feel so creeped out by the guys on the strip making comments towards just me and my sister. nice to have protective men there. ;) we went to body world, which was terrible might i add. the second room had two bodies in it. and i was two seconds away from passing out. i was all sweaty and clammy and my hands were tingly. it was terrible. so i sat in the corner for a minute and recuperated my thoughts. ended up walking through the whole thing. just not really looking at much. i did enjoy the baby room though, which i'm sure a lot of people have a problem with. seeing that they had a door to go past the room because it was babies. very interesting though. then we went to the shark reef. which was freaking rad. i would definitely do that again! i loved it. then the new york roller coaster. also sweet, except it bruised my shoulders from the stupid shoulder restraints. ouch. we ended up driving home to st george that night. dyed hair on saturday. my sister would kill me for putting this up. but i just have to. =)
then we just kind of hung around. made slutty brownies & went to dinner. rented jack & jill and fell asleep watching it. shopped on sunday & then the boys came to pick me up. needless to say it was just the get away i needed. it was perfect. too bad it only lasted a short amount of time. =( boo.

i've been hanging out with cami & baby fallon. she's soo cute. i already love her. they're fun to hangout with. it's nice to keep cami company. the other day when i went over i was holding baby fallon & all of a sudden there's this horse walking in front of her house. she's like uhhh that's my horse!!! so she ran outside. after she was like 'good thing you were here or i don't know what i would have done with fallon!!' the horse almost got hit by a semi. scary. but luckily they got it put away. i guess the gate wasn't shut or something. i'm glad i was there! i bought baby fallon shoes. they're so cute. i have to share.
cami loves them. and when she showed baby fallon, she smiled. yes. she opened her eyes and smiled. she's only two weeks and she knows she loves them already. ;)
isn't she just adorable? i think so. & she's soo extremely tiny. six pounds two ounces i think her one week checkup was. this was taken one day after her one week check up. & i saw her this week. and her newborn clothes drowned her! completely. she's too tiny. i know babies grow like weeds, but i think she'll be in newborn clothes for a bit. i'm SURE she could fit in preemie clothes. cami and chandler make adorable babies! ha. well. school is going okay. i got sick with the flu the week before spring break. it was terrible. & i ended up having two quizzes and one test that week. with the flu. ahh. terrible. way to ruin a girls gpa! i had one awesome boy come and take care of me while i was sick. brought me flowers, made me soup, played with my hair, made me feel better. he's sweet. but hopefully my grades will come back up. they didn't drop terribly low. but lower than i would like. come on grades. don't let the flu ruin this for me!

good night babies. love you all.

o3.11.12. sunday.

well. i've been sick with the flu for about forever now. finally feeling better. which is a good thing. maybe now i'll be able to finally visit baby fallon. =) i'm so excited to finally meet her. the pictures i've seen are just not doing justice enough. hopefully i will get to visit her on tuesday.

and it is finally spring break. can you believe it. holy freak. i'm thrilled.
i have big plans this break. =) i'm excited and can't wait to share them with you.

dyed my hair today, by myself. haaa. let's hope it turns out well.
dark brown. and hopefully my roots dyed dark brown as well.
cross your fingers. i wash it out in like twenty minutes.
got to leave it in longer for extra coverage. hopefully. ;)

i've had two girls nights with my momma the past few nights.
friday, we booked our airfare tickets! finally it's all coming into place.
saturday, we had costa vida and rented a redbox movie.
it was nice to just be home with her and sugar bear, since dad was down in
st george picking up a car and seeing mick.

life has been going swell. & i do enjoy getting out.
it's something i've been longing to do.
so i'm trying to take full advantage of every chance i get.

<3