Just got home from J's house. Love her. It's been quite an eye opening evening.
Work went well. I enjoyed today, very much. If I could have more Friday's & work days like today, I would always work. All the time. So much less drama on Fridays & Especially on Saturdays. Love my Saturday crew. :) They're wonderful. Couldn't ask for better coworkers sometimes. Some of them at least. Ha. I'm trying this new thing where I try not to get sucked into the drama & talking behind everyone's back. Why? Because I know everyone is talking behind my back when I'm not there, so. . . I'm turning over a new leaf. Trying to anyways. . . It's a work in progress.
Over the past few days I've had very eye opening experiences. . Well . . Just talks I suppose. Been talking with my roommates a lot about things in my life & Amanda & Megan have opened my eyes to some different things. Not things I want to hear, but good things. Well tonight was no different. Except, instead of my roommate it happened with my coworker & J.
As I was leaving work tonight, one of my coworkers decided to talk to me about my dating situations & things of that sort, trying to figure out what's going on in people's lives, general talk. I was telling him about things inside the pharmacy & as I left I was seriously irritated at myself for what I've been doing & allowing myself to do. I was half way across the parking lot to my car & my coworker was yelling, "I don't get it Chirelle. So many other guys would treat you so much better. You deserve better than that. But apparently you like being treated like crap or else you wouldn't put up with that!" I stood there, in the cold dark parking lot & yelled back, "apparently I do like being treated like crap." As tears just started forming in my eyes I hurried to my car. It was eye opening to how I have been being treated & how I don't deserve that. I wasn't hurt by what he said, I was just blown away because that's what I needed to hear. That just broke down all my walls & opened my eyes to everything that was really going on.
I went to J's after & we watched a movie & ate some tacotime with her kids. Then MarkRobert & Austin went and got us ice cream & came back & we watched the end of Twilight 4th movie (the fighting part.) ha. After, MarkRobert took Austin home & the kids went to bed. J & I talked about everything & she kept saying, "I can't express how much I love you & you don't deserve that. You've been through so much with your marriage & that relationship with your ex. You deserve the best, & if someone isn't willing to do that for you, then he better sit down & stop playing this yo-yo game with you." I seriously love her. I would be lost without her. Can't wait to get out of Logan & move down here & be with her more. . . It'll be good for me. I told MarkRobert that I'm moving in so prepare to fall in love with me. J asked him if he's willing to fall for an older woman. He said yes. HA! Oh my, they kill me.
Enough about my drama in my life. That's pretty much what's going on. I don't like feeling back burner to everyone & I don't like waiting around to make plans with someone. I want to feel like I'm wanted. I want to feel like I'm not an embarrassment to others. Right now, I don't feel that way.
Complaining to Megan the other night I said, "It's just little things." She quickly corrected me & said, "No Chirelle. It's not little things. . It once was little things. Now it's bigger things & a lot of little, good moments." She is right. That needs to change.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I'll probably regret this post one day, I'm sure it will come back & smack me in my face.
Loves.
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