o4.22.13. monday.

Do you feel like throwing up like I feel like throwing up?
Okay just making sure that I'm not feeling this way alone.
geez. . . .some peoples children.

loves.

o4.15.13. monday.

I miss you, where are you?
can't we just figure things out?

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This weekend happened to be a long weekend. I was actually off work all weekend, surprisingly. It's kind of nice having these weekends off. Spent some of Friday up on campus talking to my communications professor & figuring out classes needed for next semester. Lunch with Megan at Paradise Bakery. It was actually good & nice to branch out. Well worth the money too. Wrote some papers, two to be exact. Well, didn't quite finish them on Friday. Megan got home from work around 10:30. Went to Wendy's for dinner with her. "Two baked potatoes, please" Yes, we are both vegetarians. hahah. It works out. Watched some television with Megan. Us & our murder shows. *scary*

"I hope no one is behind my shower curtain & if there is, I hope they allow me to finish peeing before they attack."

Fears of watching murder shows until two in the morning. HA. Made breakfast for Megan & I on Saturday morning. Orange Cinnamon rolls, & can they not possibly give you any more frosting to put on them? GEEZ. Up the calorie count a little & add the MUCH NEEDED extra frosting. Home by myself most of the day afterwards. Worked on some papers for school & went to costa vida for dinner, by myself. But it was soo good! Brought it home to eat. Started packing up my room & guess what I found. It was a miracle. Story first: Last summer I purchased a new laptop. Well, included in that purchase was a few rebates. One for a $50 check & one for a $100 visa prepaid gift card. I received the check & never received the gift card. After three separate phone calls to Staples Rebates, I finally received it over Christmas break. Well. then I lost it. YES. One hundred dollars on a prepaid visa. Lost. Gone. I have looked everywhere for it. Well I found it on Saturday night, along with $40 that my Grandma gave me for Christmas, still in the Christmas card & all. HA.

$140 magical dollars appeared at my house. Which is lovely, considering Logan City gave me a undeserved parking ticket last week. They claim I was one minute over my hour parking. Says who? PROVE IT. I fought it & came home today with an email saying my appeal was denied. But it doesn't say why or anything & the spot where the officer is supposed to comment is blank. Uh. Can I appeal this denial appeal? Because I need evidence that they proved & "investigated" like they said they would, that I was actually over my allotted time, not just a denial email with zero comments attached. Thank you Logan City, for sucking Twenty dollars out of my pocket.

"people who give parking tickets aren't even police officers."
"yeah they probably want to be police officers but no one wants them on their police squad so they send them out to be d-bags to everyone else. Just so they don't have to see them in their working space."

Couldn't have said it better myself. Geez.

Uhm. Purchased a new phone this weekend. So that's good. & I also went home Sunday & spent the day with my momma.I went to my dad's shop before going home & I expected my dad & Taylor to be there. Walked in, looking like I just woke up. Jammies on & no make up. Walked in & BAM! Like ten people were there. Just staring at me. "ohhh heyyyy." & everyone stares. So I said "well this is awkward" & my uncle don says "fine if no one else is going to give her a hug, I will!" hahaha. I asked taylor to fix my car. My windshield fluid wasn't working. What a miracle it is when you just ADD windshield wiper fluid. Geez. What a girl I am. I hope my future husband can fix my car problems like this without me always thinking something is broke. I need a manly man. HA. where is he?

Went to the Dr again for the 2nd time in the past 6 weeks. Because ever since my strep over spring break, I haven't felt well. I'm on another antibiotic. Whoow... & some cough tablets. Hopefully this nastiness is gone, soon. Pronto please. Ain't nobody got time for this, especially this busy body! Dr said to call him if I'm not feeling better by Friday & he will prescribe me something else. Probably thinks I'm a hypochondriac. Seriously though. Just want to feel better. FOR GOOD.

On a better note, Registering for classes tonight. Midnight -- hurry up! This girl is tired, she needs her sleep.

Loves & goodnight.

o4.o9.13. Tuesday.

Why are we searching for love?
Can't we learn to love?

Really though.

LOVES.

o3.29.13. friday.

In my interpersonal communications class lately, we have been learning about romantic relationships. How they become, the steps involved, & also what happens when they disappear (The steps, that is.) It's been really interesting actually. I can't help but to think of a few relationships & how these different steps apply/applied to those past/present relationships.

One thing she mentioned today was that when you move on, you tell others about what happened in the relationship in a way that it benefits you. A way that makes you sound datable for the next relationship. No one walks around saying "I'm a real jerk. I screwed up." Everyone puts that blame on the opposite person, regardless of where the blame is to be placed. & Most of the time, let's be honest, the blame needs to be placed on both partners, because obviously both partners weren't willing to make things work, at some point in the relationship. Maybe one was more willing in the middle when problems starting to get bad, & then that one checked out & the other person realized that this is what they wanted & then they try. Both partners do need to try, continuously, to make a relationship work. This relationship thing can not be one sided, or else it's . . called bribery or something else.

One step is called "grave dressing" & It's literally burying the relationship & moving on. Sometimes I feel like I get stuck in this stage of a relationship. I can't just bury it & move on so easily. Sometimes I feel like I've moved on & I can move forward & then something comes up & all those feelings just rush back & I'm like . . stuck in that phase all over again. I don't know how to describe it much more than that. What is the key to moving on & how long does it take people anyways?

Geez, this dating/love thing is tough. I don't like it.

LOVES.

o3.28.13. thursday.

The little reminders that your EX best friend is STILL best friends with your EX.

All the hell she put me through. . .
What a terrible best friend she was.

SO glad I kicked her out & that she's no longer in my life.

Such a train wreck of a person.
Trying to wreck everyone's lives. . .
& I put up for it for W A Y too long.

GEEZ.

Loves.

o3.o9.13. saturday early morning.

I suppose it is Saturday already. Early morning. 1:30 am.

Just got home from J's house. Love her. It's been quite an eye opening evening.

Work went well. I enjoyed today, very much. If I could have more Friday's & work days like today, I would always work. All the time. So much less drama on Fridays & Especially on Saturdays. Love my Saturday crew. :) They're wonderful. Couldn't ask for better coworkers sometimes. Some of them at least. Ha. I'm trying this new thing where I try not to get sucked into the drama & talking behind everyone's back. Why? Because I know everyone is talking behind my back when I'm not there, so. . . I'm turning over a new leaf. Trying to anyways. . . It's a work in progress.

Over the past few days I've had very eye opening experiences. . Well . . Just talks I suppose. Been talking with my roommates a lot about things in my life & Amanda & Megan have opened my eyes to some different things. Not things I want to hear, but good things. Well tonight was no different. Except, instead of my roommate it happened with my coworker & J.

As I was leaving work tonight, one of my coworkers decided to talk to me about my dating situations & things of that sort, trying to figure out what's going on in people's lives, general talk. I was telling him about things inside the pharmacy & as I left I was seriously irritated at myself for what I've been doing & allowing myself to do. I was half way across the parking lot to my car & my coworker was yelling, "I don't get it Chirelle. So many other guys would treat you so much better. You deserve better than that. But apparently you like being treated like crap or else you wouldn't put up with that!" I stood there, in the cold dark parking lot & yelled back, "apparently I do like being treated like crap." As tears just started forming in my eyes I hurried to my car. It was eye opening to how I have been being treated & how I don't deserve that. I wasn't hurt by what he said, I was just blown away because that's what I needed to hear. That just broke down all my walls & opened my eyes to everything that was really going on.

I went to J's after & we watched a movie & ate some tacotime with her kids. Then MarkRobert & Austin went and got us ice cream & came back & we watched the end of Twilight 4th movie (the fighting part.) ha. After, MarkRobert took Austin home & the kids went to bed. J & I talked about everything & she kept saying, "I can't express how much I love you & you don't deserve that. You've been through so much with your marriage & that relationship with your ex. You deserve the best, & if someone isn't willing to do that for you, then he better sit down & stop playing this yo-yo game with you." I seriously love her. I would be lost without her. Can't wait to get out of Logan & move down here & be with her more. . . It'll be good for me. I told MarkRobert that I'm moving in so prepare to fall in love with me. J asked him if he's willing to fall for an older woman. He said yes. HA! Oh my, they kill me.

Enough about my drama in my life. That's pretty much what's going on. I don't like feeling back burner to everyone & I don't like waiting around to make plans with someone. I want to feel like I'm wanted. I want to feel like I'm not an embarrassment to others. Right now, I don't feel that way.

Complaining to Megan the other night I said, "It's just little things." She quickly corrected me & said, "No Chirelle. It's not little things. . It once was little things. Now it's bigger things & a lot of little, good moments." She is right. That needs to change.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I'll probably regret this post one day, I'm sure it will come back & smack me in my face.

Loves.

o3.o5.13. tuesday.

Happy birthday to my cute little Fallon. I can't believe she is one already! I swear it was yesterday that Cami had her. Sheesh. Time sure does fly. She's having a birthday party in the next couple weekends, can't wait to go & see her & Cami. Haven't seen them since New years day. Such a cutie patootie! Seriously.

Spring Break is coming up next week. I seriously can not wait! I took off work on Wednesday & I'm off the rest of the week already because its my weekend off. So I only work Monday. I'm hoping to do something. Mick & I tried to plan a cruise but she couldn't get off work Thursday or Friday. Bummer. Cruises are super cheap when you book them two weeks out. We are rain checking for another time in the summer. Her & I are just going to up and go. The luxuries of having a passport & being able to do that with a flexible job. Love it.

School wise: I was dreading Stats this semester & honestly, I have an A in stats. That's the class I am doing THEE best in. I can't believe it. Ha. I've put in a lot of hard work for that class. Now If I could bring up some of my other grades to A's that would be ideal. Trying to have more of a social life this semester. I've been attending the Lacrosse games. (Well the two I could attend) & they were fun. I told Matt he needs to teach me more about it so I can cheer for him next year when he plays. Ha.

As for work, Hopefully I will return to my every other weekend shift. The past two months I have worked every weekend. Ridiculous. I'm part time & I've work an average of 50% of all the days in each month ( January & Feb) Let's hope that ends. Because I'm on overload. Definitely.

Also, I'm back into the dating scene. . . I suppose. . . Wish Things would just pan out as they should & I didn't have to date around. I don't like this dating game. It scares me & I don't like it.

Better go study for my stats quiz tomorrow & natural disasters test on Thursday.

LOVES.