o9.o4.12 tuesday.

So many stories to post. But, I need to keep my blog readers on their toes. so. . . Here you go.

So I'm taking a Child Guidance/parenting course this semester. I'm actually pretty intimidated by the course itself, I think it'll be a little challenging. Maybe it's because the professor only teaches grad students & our class is his only undergrad class. Kind of intimidating, to say the least. Anyways. I've liked it so far. & The reading, even though it's a lot, has been interesting. & I haven't fallen completely asleep while reading, Ha. I actually get through it well.

So today in class, he had all 80 of us go out on the Quad outside. The quad is just a big area of grass in the middle of campus, people play ultimate frisbee out there, flag football, whatever. So We all went outside & lined up along where the cement meets the grass. So all 80 of us were in a big line, all at the same starting point. The professor then read questions & we had to move depending on the question & our answer towards the particular question.

Example: 'Take one step forward if you owned your own car in high school.' or 'take two steps back if you've ever witnessed domestic violence.' or 'take one step backwards if you grew up in a step family.'

Just some good old random questions, pertaining to school, life, family, stuff like that. Well everyone is taking steps back & forward looking around watching people take those different steps & seeing who has actually gone through the stuff he has mentioned. So I was doing pretty well, near the front & then the question was asked, 'Take one step back if you've ever been divorced or remarried.' I stood there for a minute looking down & then looking to my left & my right. No one moved. Everyone stood still. I picked up my foot & moved back one step.

As I took this step back, my heart was pounding. I knew others just saw me take that step back, & honestly it probably didn't phase them & they didn't think anything of it. But that one step backwards, meant a whole heck of a lot to me. My head began racing about everything I had been through. All of these other fellow classmates were taking steps back for having to take out a loan for school, or having an ill family member. & I'm the divorced one that just had to take a step back.

After 15-20 questions were asked we all looked around at all of our classmates, seeing where everyone was on his line that we once were all in the same spot & now we were scattered on the quad. some ahead of me & some behind. We went back inside & the professor asked what we gained from that activity. I kept quiet, as usual. But I enjoyed what others said. One girl commented saying 'It was like a disadvantage for us to have someone with a physical illness & I had to take a step back. But that illness is not a disadvantage in my life. I've learned a lot from that.' Another girl said a similar thing about taking a step back for having a step parent, she then said she wouldn't be in college if it wasn't for that step parent so she doesn't see it as a disadvantage in her life.

I sat & thought about Dax & I. About being classified as 'divorced.' Ah. that D word is such an ugly word. & I don't like that information getting out & I know it will just take time. Now, I'm not going to say that my divorce was an advantage, at all. Because it's nothing I would wish on anyone. I think there are life lessons I need to take from my divorce. This assignment really opened up my eyes to that. Now, I just need to figure out all of those life lessons that it taught me. Now, that's the truly hard part. Picking out the good, in a terrible situation.

Zumba tonight with Kerina. Love her. She's great.

Loves.